The Things Kids Say….

Hello everyone!

So I’ve been thinking…a lot lately. Scary, I know!

And what have I been thinking about? Sheesh, the better answer would be what am I not thinking about? Seriously – major – brain – overload.  What brings this on, you ask? Simple….I’ve realized that my kids are driving me bat-shit crazy! Yes, I’m pretty sure I’ve been fitted for a little white jacket and the dimensions for my padded white room have been drawn up for their approval..yes, I said ‘their’.

Why is it, as a parent the littlest comebacks and flippant comments are the ones that ‘do your head in’? I have several examples of my daily life in which I’d looooove to share with you. Maybe they’ll give you a snort of laughter or a shake of the head. Either way the pity party train is about to chug off so….. ALL ABOARD!

~The things that make my twitch act up~

That’s no fair! :

Yes, I agree and you want to know something? Life’s not fair. Get used to it now and save your self the heartache of delusion later. Trust me, it only gets worse.

Well, it’s his/her fault:

Pointing your finger at someone else does two things.

1. It makes you look guilty for pushing the blame off yourself and on to others.

2. When you point your finger at someone else remember that there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. (Go ahead try it….I’ll wait.)

I never get to do anything!:

Nope….never. Oh, but last weekend you did this. Next weekend you’re doing that and just yesterday you were ______ (Fill in the blank).

So and so’s parents let them!:

Good for them! Shall we go nominate them for parent of the year? While we’re at it can I pick up my Worst Mother of the Year award to place on the mantel?

He/She started it!:

And I’m finishing it.

How come I can’t watch that movie? Everyone else at school has seen it! (insert teenage eye roll):

Because contrary to popular belief it’s not okay for a 13-year-old to watch a movie with sexual innuendos, or sexual acts with or without clothes on. Blame the producers, screen writers, or the motion picture rating people. Don’t look at me when I tell you that it’s not appropriate – I didn’t make the damn movie…sigh. If at this point it’s still not sinking in that impossibly thick skull, please see the part above about life not being fair.

But… I loaded the dishwasher yesterday!

And? It’s character building. Besides who do you think created half of those dirty dishes? Oh, and when you’re done, go clean the pigsty you call a room. *silent high-five*

I hate doing laundry.:

Really? Because I love doing it. See this shirt? Yep, that’s the one you had on earlier, 5 clothing changes ago. I just washed it yesterday too! Aren’t you so lucky to have a laundry service? Quit complaining! And if you change your clothes one more time today I won’t be washing them, you will. You can complain to the washer and dryer, instead of me,  just how unfair life is, they here it all the time 😉

Why can’t I take a walk around the block with my friends, geez mom it’s 9 o’clock and we’re bored!:

Remember that story on the news? The one where those women were found YEARS later after they’d been swiped off the street walking home from school? That’s why. Sorry, but there are sick people out there and I don’t want to live the nightmare of never knowing where you went. End of story!

You always make us late for school.:

Define late…..Oh? a few minutes before the bell rings and you can’t talk to your friends… I see. Well maybe if you’d stop dawdling around the house with your head in the air and no sense of time, you’d have more time to chat with your friends. And to the youngest one; maybe if you’d stop staring into space / banging your hands on everything like it’s a drum you might have the extra time to get your teeth brushed and your socks and shoes on before I’m starting the truck… sigh.

 

And the grand finish to my tirade……

But Gramma said…..:

I got nothing for this. Nothing I tell you! It’s a white flag moment. I surrender….eeesh. How can you go up against the woman who taught you all you know? Your parenting skills, your life skills… the woman is an Idol in my eyes and am proud she’s one in theirs.

 

End of tirade!

Hope you got a little laugh out of the nuttiness that is my life these days 🙂 I love my children dearly, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them, well except for what I’ve listed above…lol Gotta have some limits as a parent.

Got any good ones I didn’t think of? I’m all ears!

Thanks for stopping in! Hope you have a great day 🙂